skate or die dude

 Let me tell you about the most amazing birthday gift I've ever received.  I know that's a bold statement, but no birthday gift has ever brought tears to my eyes before today.  In order to fully understand the significance of this gift, let's take a walk down memory lane.  Envision in your mind a 7-8 year old girl with brown hair in pig tales, blue eyes, and freckles all over her face.  If you are envisioning a mini punky brewster look alike, you are spot on.  She is standing at the skate shop ready to have her very first skate board custom made just the way she wants it.  Naturally, she chooses a hot pink board.  She has a break pad put on, railings, colorful wheels, and then comes the hardest part:  waiting a couple weeks for the board to be made.  Weeks later, she picks up the skateboard and thus marks the happiest day of her life so far.  That little girl is me.

I LOVED that skateboard.  My sister and I would ride ours everyday with our neighbor friends, Jeremy and Jeff.  I would ride down the tiny decline in the road and then kick up the front end of the board and slide on my railings down the curb.  It was the only trick I ever mastered.  My railings were blue, so I would always check the curb afterward to see how much of a stain I left.  After doing this hundreds of times over the next year, I'm pretty sure the curb in front of my childhood house probably still has a tint of blue stain.  I had left my mark.

One day I decided to be brave and go to a neighbor street where the decline of the street was much more significant than the one in front of my house.  I started at the very top and rode down.  Within seconds, my board was wobbling faster and faster as my speed picked up with every turn of the wheels.  The board flew out from under my feet and I skidded down the road on my butt, elbows, and back.  I got scraped up pretty bad.  Never attempted that hill again.

Also, my babysitter had 2 sons that were really into skate boarding.  They were older and much more skilled.  One summer, they started to make a ramp on the side walk in front of the house.  I would go out there every day and watch them skate off the ramp.  In my little girl mind, I was doing the tricks along side them, but in reality, I just sat there and pretended I was cool.

Life went on and I skated less.  Sports came into the picture full time, and the skate board got put away.  But never forgotten.  I went off to college and took my skate board with me.  My roommates and I would pull it out so we could sit on it and have someone push us down the side walk.  We would occasionally go to the skate park  and goof off.  One day, I thought I could handle going down a ramp. I don't know why....I had never attempted one before, and I was much more clumsy now than I was as a kid.  I stood at the top of the ramp and had my board hanging off.  I let the front wheels touch down and there was no turning back.  I was going much faster than I anticipated.  As soon as the ramp ended and pavement leveled out, my skateboard shot out from underneath me, and I was laying in that all to familiar place, on my back, butt, and elbows.  Not as many scratches this time, but I did sprain my wrist.  That took a while to heal.

I had now learned 2 lessons:  avoid steep heels and don't go off ramps.  My skateboard continued to travel with me through the years.  After college and after my mission, I moved to Provo.  The skateboard went with me.  It became the community skateboard for my very tight knit apartment complex.  Everyone would have fun on it.  I had one roommate in particular who was fond of it.  One summer, she moved out of my apartment and moved into a neighboring apartment.  Still in the same complex and a part of the same tight knit community.  She took the skateboard with her, which I was fine with.  We all shared it.  Then, end of summer came.  This particular roommate moved out, but said she left the skateboard for me to reclaim.  I went to her apartment and couldn't find it.  I asked her roommate, who was the last still moving her stuff, and she said she threw it away.  She didn't know whose it was and thought it had just been left.  I began the 5 stages of loss.  First, denial.  I thought it could still be saved.  I ran to the dumpster in hopes that it was still in there.  That's right, I would have dumpster dived for it.  It was completely bare.  The garbage man had already come.  Second, anger.  How could someone throw away a skateboard??  It's not something small and insignificant like a hairbrush left behind!  Third, bargaining.  If I only I had gotten it back from my roommate before she moved.  Fourth, depression.  I felt a loss for a very long time!  Fifth, acceptance.  I would always remember that skateboard and the fun times had on it, but I moved on.

Fast forward to a couple months ago.  It had been 5 years since the tragic death of my hot pink skateboard.  I was having a conversation about skateboarding with one of my best friends and co-worker Lydia because her son loves skateboarding.  I told her the heart breaking story of my hot pink skateboard that got thrown away.  Little did I know, Lydia remembered my story.

Today is my birthday.  I show up to work and my desk is decorated!  I loved that my co-workers decorated it, but let's be honest, I can't work under those conditions, so I'm sitting there cleaning it up when Lydia peaks her head around the corner and hands me a card.  I start to open it as she places a huge tissue paper wrapped present on my desk.  The shape immediately gives it away that it's a skateboard.  Knowing her son loves skateboarding, and he and I have had many conversations about it, I thought it was an ordinary skateboard.  As I open it, I see the hot pink shining through.  My eyes immediately fill up with tears and I'm overwhelmed with how thoughtful this gift is.  To make it even more special, Lydia hand painted the word "pumpkin" on the backside.  That's her nickname for me.  She then explains to me the adventure she went through to have it made.  Apparently, hot pink is not a commonly made skateboard, so she had it custom altered.  I've been telling everyone today about the hot pink skateboard that has come back into my life.  There are many  more memories to be had, with hopefully less injuries.  Thanks Lydia for the most thoughtful and unique birthday gift I've ever received!

La Reve The Dream Trip

Mackenzie getting "comfy"

Vegas Road trip again!!  We wanted to drive down to watch Le Reve, a show with aquatic acrobatics that was supposed to be phenominal.  We planned the trip with 5 of us:  Me, Shantell, Mackenzie, Angela, and Jane!  10 PM rolled around on Friday night, and we were off!  Mackenzie sits in the front seat of Beyonce and immediately starts to pull down her pants.  When I give her the "what the heck are you doing?" look, she replies, "I want to get comfy."  Apparently, driving in levis is too "uncomfortable."  Mackenzie rode the whole 6 hour drive in her little brief pant thingies.

  The trip started off good.  We knew we had a long drive ahead of us that would take us late into the night, but there was plenty of entertainment to keep our senses heightened.  We were driving down the road when I saw a vehicle with those stick figure people decals in the window.  It looked normal enough.  2 parents, some kids, a couple animals, and then some large person at the end.  Usually, the order goes from biggest decals to smallest.  This went against everything I believed about stick figure family decals.  My first reaction was to say, "Who is that large person at the end of the family?"  After a good laugh, we concluded that it was Consuela the maid.

Mackenzie and I share a love for Broadway, especially Wicked, so naturally, we listened to the music.  This led to Mackenzie playing other Broadway music for us, including songs from Rent.  Idina Menzel's signature song is called "over the moon."  If you haven't ever heard it, listen to it!  It's whack!  At one point she's singing, "moo with me."  This did not inspire Shantell to stop teasing us, especially Mackenzie, about liking Broadway music.

At another point, Mackenzie was sharing her favorite musicals, Hairspray being one of her favorites.  She then went on to confess that she "went through a Ricki Lake phase."  She even saw a video of Ricki birthing her second child.  LOL.  Who can honestly say that they "went through a Ricki Lake phase?"  I think that is unique to Mackenzie.  Needless to say, we stayed entertained most of the drive.   Up until the 1-2 hours when both Mackenzie and Shantell offered to help drive.  A couple seconds later, I would look over at both of them to see their heads cocked back and snores coming from their mouths.  I'm definitely not trusting them with Beyonce. 

 We arrived at the hotel at 4:15 AM.  I made my bed on the floor and went to sleep.  

 The next day we made time for the pool.  I LOVE THE POOL!!  I could spend hours on end just relaxing by the pool and dipping in the water anytime I felt a little sweat on my brow.  There were entertaining moments but mostly sleep and relaxation.  I fell in and out of sleep for a couple hours.  I would occassionally wake up to someone heckling me, "Hey lobster, you might wanna turn over."  One time I snapped back, "I'm not a lobster."  I do not take any responsibility for what I say or do while I'm tired. :)


 We decided to have a little dance party in the pool.  I don't know why the single men didn't come running.  We also decided to play a little dunking game that I like.  It took a lot persuaded to convince someone to finally play with me.  Basically, you choose a topic like, types of cereal, and then hold someone in your arms.  They try to guess the type of cereal you have in your head, and for every wrong guess, you get to dunk them.  I started off dunking Angela.  I was thinking of lucky charms.  She first guesses some random cereal.  Dunk.  Then she says, "life savers."  Dunk.  When I brought her back up, we made sure to explain the rules again to her while emphasizing the topic, "types of CEREAL."

Next, it was my turn to be dunked.  Mackenzie, our resident alcohol lover of the trip, decides to pick the topic for us, "types of alcohol."  Angela thinks of one and the guessing begins.  I try to rack my brain for any type of alcohol I could think of.  "Crown Royal."  Dunk.  "Seagrams 7."  Dunk.  My mind goes blank.  I don't know any more alcohols.  Angela sees the panic in my eyes and says, "I don't know a lot of alcohol either. Think really easy and generic."  I say, "Jack Daniels."  Yay!  I got it right.  Good think we both don't know any of those unique, fancy ones!

 After a couple hours at the pool, and a few sunburns later, we decided to go get ready for the rest of the day.  We headed back to the hotel room.  Side note on that.  When we purchased the room through a 3rd party site, it said that our hotel was 4 stars.  It was apparent it wasn't.  Angela is our resident justice seeker, and had them switch the room 3 times before

 feeling satisfied with the quality, but it was still far from 4 stars.  She called the hotel

 front desk and let them know about the deception in the description.  Later in the day, she would jokingly say, "welcome to 1990 when this hotel was actually in its prime and considered 4 star."  It even had curtains that would open when you pushed a button.

At one point during the trip, the freckle by my knee was exposed.  This started the usual discussion, "oh my gosh, have you ever had that checked out?"  The group began to lecture me on the ABC's of moles, even though mine is a freckle I've had my whole life.  Assymetrical, BIG (according to Shantell), and we couldn't remember what C stood for.

 We decided to go eat at a sketchy looking taco place on the strip.  If you have ever been to the strip, you know that all the food prices are jacked up, so when we saw $2 tacos, we couldn't pass it up.  We walked in and saw a rotating carcass where the meet was being cut from.  I'll take 2 tacos please!  Yum!  They were actually pretty good.  I would go back.



After eating, we went into the Wynn hotel and casino, where our show was playing.  I promised my co-worker Kyle that I would bet a dollar in the slot machines for him.  I stopped at one machine, but Mackenzie grabbed my arm and said, "No, you're not far enough into the heart of the gambling yet."  We went a little deeper.  It was scary.  I found a slot machine that actually let me pull a level because, well, that the only fun part, in my opinion.  I bet my friend's dollar and didn't win.  Sad.

Its apparent by the pictures that I have no idea what I'm doing.  I even had trouble getting the machine to take my dollar bill.  Bob Barker playing The Price Is Right slots had no problem, so I persisted.  I decided to play my own dollar, now that Kyle's dollar warmed up the machine for me, and I won!!  $5 never felt so good!  I immediately quit while I was ahead.  Shantell took her hand at luck as well.  $30 later she came out with 21 cents.

  At 7 PM, it was time for the show!  IT WAS AMAZING!!!   By far the best show I've seen in Vegas!  All I have to say after it is that there are a lot of strong people in the world.  Some of the stunts required so much muscle.  It was spectacular.  There were some women whose bicpes were so buff, it blew my mind!

We were 2nd row and right there in the "splash zone" for all the action.  Before the show started, there was a creature from the black lagoon swimming around and jumping out of the water to scare people.  It got us.  We totally screamed.  At the end of the show, some of the divers through red carnations into the crowd.  Mackenzie and I both caught one.

After the show, we walked around and saw the usual sites, including a fan favorite:  The Bellagio Water Show.  The next morning, we drove back to Salt Lake City.  Shantell got comfortable with Lowell in the back seat.  He never disappoints!

House of Hope Alumni Tea

For those who of you have known me several years, or just know me a little bit, know that I used to be a social worker and absolutely loved and treasure the moments I had being one!!  It's a tricky field.  Most people go into it because they care about people and want to help, but once you are actually in the field, you see the balancing act it requires to care about people but not care too much...it's just too hard.  My last day working at the House of Hope was a very sad day!  I have only felt that depth of sadness one other time in my life:  coming home from my mission.  It's a feeling of gratitude for who I became through my experiences there, and a feeling of deep sadness knowing that all these amazing people who influenced me so much, and sometimes drove me absolutely crazy, will no longer a part of my every day life.  I'm sure you're wondering right now if I'm referring to my co-workers or my clients?  LOL Both are applicable.  :)

My life has been amazing since leaving the House of Hope, but I get very excited to attend the alumni events that give me the opportunity to go back and see my old co-workers and clients.  3 times a year there is an event:  Alumni Tea in spring, Summer BBQ, and Christmas party.  April 20, yes 4/20, the clients got a kick out of that coincidence, was the Alumni Tea.  It was so good to see everyone.  Sadly, every event, I see less and less familiar faces.  In recovery, there is a 90% relapse rate, which means that 90% of my clients will stop coming around for support.  I pray for them wherever they are.

There were some memorable moments from the Tea that I would like to recap.  First, the House of Hope created a choir a couple years ago.  It comprises of current clients who would like to sing at the Tea.  While they are better that I am at singing, they are not experts.  :)  They started off by singing Glee's version of "Don't Stop Believing."  There were a couple high notes that when attempted got a neck scrunching, face squinting reaction from everyone there, which was immediately followed by a big grin of appreciation and adoration for the girls brave enough to perform in front of everyone!

There were several alumni speakers who shared their stories.  All of them full of sadness, hardship, bad choices, and the courage to overcome!  Such strong women!  Most had childhoods that were far from opportune, but all of them had the strength to eventually take a stand and determine their own fates.

There were also a couple of my old co-workers who spoke.  One of my close friends Lori shared a comparison she thought of earlier.  Very clever.  She said that recovery is a lot like the Wizard of Oz.  Dorothy is like each client who is just trying to find their way back home.  Through the journey, they have the help of munchkins and Glinda the good (all the House of Hope workers).  You  meet new friends who, like you, have lost courage, hope, sense, and the ability to love wholly.  You have a yellow brick road that will always help and lead you to where you need to go (all the tools you learn).  You also have the Wicked Witch, who according to Lori, represents the addiction and disease.  You can always tell those who are "Wicked" fans because we all immediately get defensive, "She was misunderstood!"  But this isn't about that.  It's about appreciating the analogy that was being presented, so I re-focused myself and listened to the rest.  There were also the flying monkeys who represent all your past choices and demons trying to bring you down.  Finally, they get to the great Oz, who is represented by our director Lisa.  She and Lori are notorious for jokingly going back and forth with one another about different jokes.  All Dorothy had to do was click her ruby red slippers while saying, "There's no place like home."  Simple solution.  Recovery is like the simple, everyday choices.

The House of Hope choir sang Garth Brooks', "If tomorrow never comes."  There wasn't a dry eye in the place.  That song brings to reality the fear that every person has.  To the addict, it asks: Are the bad choices I'm making going to end my life and take away my chance to tell my loved ones how much I care about them?

Lisa, the director, also got up and spoke.  She is so funny that I can't even do her speech justice.  Such dry  humor but constantly throwing sarcastic jokes out.  She shared some story about a Turkey in a farmyard.  I can't even do it justice but it was hilarious.  Something about a turkey that wanted to fly away like the other birds but didn't think it could.  It didn't have a beautiful long wing span like the others.  She said that some farmers who were smart because they had MSW degrees came along and helped the turkey learn to fly.  It was much more funny and a bit longer.  I wish I had a tape recorder for all the stories.  So clever.

The most touching part for me was when Lisa was telling the story of the woman who founded the Utah Alcoholism Foundation, which later became the House of Hope.  Marie Gooderham.  She and her husband were the first to create a recovery organization that was unique to women alone.  Lisa told us stories she researched about Marie.  All of them selfless and serving.  We had a guest speaker who personally knew Marie.  Marie passed away in 2006.  The guest speaker shared more stories and experiences about many people Marie and her husband helped, but the thing that resonated with me was when the speaker said that every time someone would come to Marie to seek help, Marie's first response to them was always the same, "You're in the right place.  I'm so glad you're here."  It made me think about how I react to opportunities to help others.  Do I always welcome them with open arms and say, "You're in the right place.  I'm so glad you're here."  This statement is a double-edged sword.  It comes with two questions every person must ask themselves.  First, am I truly glad I have this opportunity to serve someone else, when it's so easy to stay in our own selfish little worlds?  Second, do I have the confidence to think that my love and support is going to suffice?  I'm sure Marie had her insecurities and own trials.  We all do.  But she made helping and serving others her lifestyle.  She was a remarkable woman who created a legacy of support to all addicts in Utah.

As always, I left the event feeling rejuvenated and strengthened.  There are so many amazing people out there, some whose trials and weaknesses are more apparent than others, but we all have each other for strength and support.  I love the House of Hope and all the amazing people associated with it.  I can't wait for the next alumni event!

The Big Apple returns...

I've had these pictures uploaded to my blog for over a month now but haven't been able to force myself to sit down and write about the trip.  It's not because I didn't enjoy the trip because I did.  I had a great time with a great friend and saw 4 broadway plays for a total cost of $110 dollars...doesn't get any better than that.  I have been avoiding writing because of one single experience that happened on the trip that I didn't want to remember or think about again.  I saw a young teenage boy commit suicide by jumping in front of the subway about 10 feet in front of me...saw the whole thing.  It was traumatizing.  Today is Easter Sunday; one of my favorite holidays.  I was sitting in Sunday School.  The lesson was on the resurrection of Christ, and we watched a video collage of pictures of Christ while a young girl sang a song about Gethsemane.  It was very touching, and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with gratitude that I was raised in an environment where I was taught about the Savior's love and sacrifice for me.  I couldn't help but think about the young boy at the subway station and think back to what was going through my mind when it happened.  First, was complete shock at what I had just witnessed.  Then, I wondered what would make someone think life was so horrible that ending his life was the best option.  Then, I said a prayer in my heart for his family and loved ones he left behind, assuming he has some.   Sitting in Sunday School today, I was reassured by the Spirit that the young boy had returned to loving arms that knew exactly what he was feeling his whole life and that know exactly how all of us feel.   He had gone home.  I couldn't help but think about the Savior in Gethsemane when he came out of the garden and found his apostles sleeping, and he asked them, "what could ye not watch with me a couple more hours?"  I was reminded that this life is short, and I felt a renewed desire to persevere no matter what curve balls get thrown my way.  I will never be left alone; none of us will.  I pray that we will always feel the love of our Savior.  He gave His all for us so we could have it all.  I am reminded of His love every day.  Every time I am surrounded by my family.  Every time I receive a call or text from a friend just when I need it the most.  Every day I go to work and am surrounded by amazing people whom I know love and care about me.  Every time my little brother or sister or niece or nephews hug me and tell me they love me!  I have this all because of Him.  I will never forget that!

Having been reminded of this, I am now ready to write about my New York trip.  It's about time. :)  My friend Cassie and I went to dinner one night in January, and Cassie told me she was going to NYC for a graduate school interview.  She asked if I wanted to go and we would spend the weekend watching Broadway plays.  I immediately said yes.  I love New York and I love Broadway.  As the weeks drew closer, I decided that I better purchase my plane ticket.  I was at work and hopped online to quickly make the purchase.  I found a very affordable price and went to click "purchase."  Right as I did, I got really light headed and my chest tightened.  I panicked.  I didn't know what to think.  This had never happened to me before.  I stood up and asked for a second opinion from some co-workers.  One of them said sarcastically, "It's because you haven't talked to Lydia and gotten her permission yet."  I laughed.  It's true.  I hadn't.  Although I don't think that's why my body reacted the way it did, I decided to call Lydia.  I relayed everything that happened and was given advice to sit on it for a day and then see how I felt tomorrow.  Great advice.  A few days later, I went to purchase the tickets and didn't have the same reaction, so I made the purchase.  Looking back now, I think Heavenly Father was giving me a warning by giving me a  foretaste of what I would feel while witnessing the suicide.  Cassie and I bought our tickets separately, so I was sitting at my layover in phoenix when I saw this older gentlement across the room looking at me.  Not in a creepy way but more in a familiar way.  I saw him and immediately looked away, but he looked very familiar to me also.  He looked just like one of my older professors from SUU, but I remembered Shantell telling me when I got home from my mission that he had died.  I texted Shantell and asked her if my memory was accurate.  She said that it was never confirmed that he died, but he disappeared and they found his car abandoned.  I asked her where his car was found, and she said somewhere near phoenix.  By the time Shantell had responded, I had already boarded the plane, so I guess I'll never know if that truly was my old professor from SUU.  I guess if he wanted to be recognized or found, he would have made it happen. :)  My plane arrived in NYC and I realized that I looked like a huge tourist.  I had my "I heart NY" shirt on...all I needed was a fanny pack and a camera hanging around my neck.  Cassie's plane landed and we realized we were at completely different terminals.  When she made her way to my terminal, which was about 6 terminals away, we finally headed to our hotel and arrived around 2 AM.  The next morning we were ready for the city.  Cassie went to her grad school interview and I waited in line for rush tickets to How To Succeed in Business starring Nick Jonas.  

I waited in line and decided to document the moment.  I made a couple new friends.  A guy in law school visiting from Florida and a girl from California visiting with her friends.

 I walked around the city for a couple hours waiting for Cassie to finish her interview.

Cassie and I met up after her interview and got a picture in front of the New York City Ballet.

We decided to go to the famous Gray's Papaya!  The hot dogs were ok but the papaya juice was phenomenal!!

Then we walked around Central Park.  It was beautiful and large.  I kept picturing the FRIENDS episode where Phoebe and Rachel are running in the park and Phoebe's run is embarrassing Rachel.  I was half tempted to run like that but decided to be an adult.

I don't know why I found comfort in the fact that there was a fallout shelter nearby.  You never know.

We walked by the place where John Lennon was shot.  Apparenlty, every day someone places a red rose on this pavement in remembrance of him.

Here is the exact location he was shot.

I don't know how they knew where I was going but I'm glad I'm almost there!

One night we went to a place called the Starlight Diner where aspiring Broadway artists work until they make it big.  They were constantly up on the tables singing and dancing.  It was pretty great!

Cassie and I posing for a picture at the Starlight Diner!

My friend Leanna was kind enough to let us spend the nights with her in Brooklyn.  She and her friend joined us for dinner.

The phantom of the opera even paid the diner a visit.

While in New York, I of course, had to see Wicked.  Cassie didn't want to see it again, but she was kind enough to put her name into the lottery with me, so I would have a better chance of winning.  The excitement was such that you'd think it was my first time.  Sure enough, my friend Cassie's name got drawn.  She is 3 for 3!!  My lucky charm!  I was happy to reap the benefits of her luck.  I watched Wicked and she went to watch Jersey Boys!

Front row for the 3rd time in a row!  This Glinda wasn't as good as the other one last year but it was still phenomenal!!

I decided to try to take an "artsy" picture.  This was my attempt.

Cassie and I also ate at a really good pizza place.  The atmosphere was super cool!

While there, we saw Sister Act on the front row!  That show was very entertaining and fun!  I loved it!  Our last day in New York, we went and saw Anything Goes!  AMAZING!!!  My second favorite Broadway!

For those of you care, here is my list of Broadway shows, in order of my favorite first:  1)Wicked (no contest)  2) Anything Goes  3) Scarlet Pimpernell (I saw that at a local theatre in Sandy but absolutely loved it)  4) Sister Act 5) How To Succeed in Business  6) Les Miserables  (I saw that when it traveled to SLC) 7) Phantom of the Opera, and 8) Mary Poppins.  I have also seen Stomp in NYC, which isn't a Broadway but still amazing!

In between shows, we decided to visit the Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit!  That was pretty amazing to see the original transcripts, and I learned something new!  I learned why there were money changers at the temples in Jerusalem.   Jerusalem was under Roman occupency and Roman money was in use.  However, only Jewish authorities only allowed Hebrew money as acceptable temple tax, so the money changers exchanged Roman currency for Hebrew currency....who knew!?

The day we flew home was superbowl sunday, and the Giants were playing.  Eli Manning was kind enough to pay Broadway a visit before the game.  :)

My coworkers teased me before I left that I needed to get a tattoo of the Statue of Liberty on my trip, so when I came back to work, they had made me a little memoir.  I always have it hanging at my desk to remind me of that memory, and also to remind me how much I love my coworkers!

As is tradition, here is my Happy List:

1) Seeing my allegedly dead professor at my layover

2)  We went to the museum of Modern Art and this weird guy was talking to his friends and said, "Anytime you see a weird breast like that, it's Picasso."  Genius!

3) Our usher at one of the shows kept calling me Pretty Lady.  When I said thanks, he said that his momma raised him to be a gentleman.  Then he proceeded to tell us a 20 minute long explanation of how you raise a gentleman:  Spank your boys.  Easy as that.